Light-hearted (as usual) article on how things unfolded on match-day 4 of Euro 2012

Match-day 4 is done and dusted and this tournament has really kick-started very nicely – barring a couple of boring games – to give us Football fans something to do in life (since some fans, like this writer, have nothing else to do in life apart from watching Football). Anyways, here is what we learned from match-day 4 of Euro 2012.

Spain’s Football team should be punished for being racists…

When you start winning on a roll, your rivals start despising you. Neutral observers, however, praise you. But when you start whining after losing even one game, the neutral observers who praise you also start disliking you. In fact, some of your fans also face embarrassment. Such is the situation of Spain’s Football team.

When they won the Euro 2008 and then the 2010 World Cup, they earned a lot of plaudits from Football fans all around the globe. However, after drawing to Italy a couple of days back, they blamed the pitch and then yesterday they filed a complaint to UEFA regarding the pitch – height of whining. It was like a kid who comes top in every exam, but in one exam he had to share the top spot with another kid due to both of them getting the same marks, fuming because of this, the kid decides to go and complain to the teacher that the question paper was too easy and that is why the other kid had the same marks as him.

What the kid doesn’t realise is that he got the same freaking paper and had he answered all the questions and gotten full marks, he wouldn’t have had to share the top spot with another kid. (Unless, of course, the other kid also gets full marks but that is irrelevant here because that shows the loophole in this writer’s analogy and the writer doesn’t want that. My article, my rules. Deal with it.)

If it was possible, this writer would have filed a complaint to UEFA regarding the racism Spain’s Football team are doing. What kind of racism, I hear you guys ask. Well, Spain are discriminating the Football pitch – they are discriminating dry Football pitches by calling it a disgrace and then asking for wet pitches in their next games.

                        'You f***ing dry pitch! I want a wet pitch!' | Pee on the whole pitch then, Xavi.

That is racism. And Spain’s Football team deserve a punishment for being racists.

Teams forget what defending is right after scoring the opening goal…

First Italy, then England and then Sweden – all 3 of these teams broke the deadlock in their respective games only to give away their lead within 10 minutes. Italy scored in the 62nd minute, Spain replied back in the 65th minute. England scored in the 30th minute, France replied back in the 39th minute. Sweden scored in the 52nd minute, Ukraine replied back in the 55th minute.

It was like the captains of these 3 teams said to their opposition’s captains, ‘hey, let us score a goal and we will let you score one within 10 minutes! That way the crowd will also be entertained,’ and the opposition captains agreed. However, the ‘entertainment’ purpose didn’t quite work out for the France-England game as…

England’s Football team has some great bus-drivers…

There was a lot of hype surrounding the England-France game. This writer expected it to be tight end-to-end affair, with France marginally beating England in the end. But it wasn’t to be as this writer was expecting an entertaining spectacle and Roy Hodgson doesn’t like this writer; thus depriving him of the entertainment he had hoped for.

Roy Hodgson’s teams are known to be neatly organised defensively. However, what was not known is the fact that England have so many great bus-drivers in their team. With 2 lines, containing 4 men – or, in other words, bus drivers – each, defending deep and not allowing any room for France’s players to work in, England proved that they have some of the finest bus-drivers who know how to carefully park their vehicles in the tightest of spaces.

In the second half, Danny Welbeck decided that it was time that he showed his bus-driving qualities and started dropping deep – so deep, in fact, that one couldn’t differentiate whether he was playing as a striker or a holding midfielder – to make it 9 men behind the ball, squeezing any free-space he saw.

                                          'Makelele who? I am the best holding midfielder ever!'

Danny Welbeck would definitely win the Ballon d’Or if he started playing as a holding midfielder instead of a striker. But even if he doesn’t win the Ballon d’Or, someone from this England team would have surely won the Parkin d’Bus award if it existed. With so many great bus-drivers in the team, England have a good chance to win the Euros if they somehow reach the knock-outs.

Sweden are an one-man team…

Zlatan Ibrahimovic. What a player. When the whole team fails to supply you with balls, you decide to create the chances yourself and then finish it off yourself, too. Such was Zlatan’s attitude against Ukraine when his team-mates were playing like a bunch of Emile Heskeys. Ibrahimovic’s inhuman efforts, however, went in vain as the other immortal character on the field, Shevchenko, neutralised Zlatan’s uncompromising wrath by scoring 2 goals and winning it for Ukraine.

Ibra must have felt like he was playing with 10 guys who don’t deserve to be his team-mates. And he was probably right. After all, he is Zlatan. Zlatan Ibrahimovic. The best in the World at being Zlatan Ibrahimovic. And the person who is the best in the World at being Zlatan deserves better service from his team-mates.

                      'I want to punch my team-mates in their face!' | And who could blame him?

If Sweden’s overall performance doesn’t improve, then there would be a danger of Zlatan exploding. And no-one in the Swedish camp would want that as an angry Zlatan is like bull who has been kept in room with red curtains all around.

Don’t believe? Just ask Oguchi Onyewu.