In England the bottom three in the Premiership get relegated and in the Bundesliga the third to last team plays the one ending in third-place in the second division. In the Amazonian Rain Forest Southern Division the bottom two teams have a blow-pipe fight to the death, the winner getting a bye in the Copa America.
None of these options are ideal – bit like golden goals, silver goals and penalties to decide cup games. Should FIFA or UEFA or NASA try and experimenting using other sports’ examples? Perhaps Owen Coyle could go up against Mark Hughes in some indoor nets and whoever bowls the best leg-break gets to stay in the division? Or do nearest the bull with three darts? You can’t beat a bit of relegation drama. Super. Smashing. Worst player of the year to throw first.
Or an episode of “Question of Sport” when the last team to guess what happened next? automatically get ten points deducted. Or gather up the four squad members with the most GCSEs from the bottom two teams in a division and relegate whoever reacts worst to Jeremy Paxman’s condescending during a tricky picture round of University Challenge. This time next year they’ll be a new Sky Sports channel devoted to such sports.
In the meantime try and fathom out why they need one for very, noisy fast cars where the Germans seem to win that on penalties.