A light-hearted satire on 15 ridiculous and hypothetical news points reporters could use for 15 days of boring international breaks....

One of the worst times for Club Football fans are the international breaks. They are like Christmases for Club Football fans who are Jehovah’s Witnesses - even though Football matches are being played, they don’t enjoy it. 

As for Football journalists, this is the best time for them to use their ‘creativity’ and try to win the ‘most ridiculous Football news of the year’ award. So in honour to those journalists this writer has satirically come up with 15 ridiculous and hypothetical news points for 15 days of international breaks – who knows, some journalist might actually steal one from here. 

 

International breaks, day 1: Spanish newspaper, Marca, report, for the 6537620th time, that Real Madrid have already signed Neymar & he'll join them in January.

http://www.footballspeak.com/PostImages/uploadedimage/2011_10_11_13_30.jpg

                                                      "I swear on my hair that I haven't been sold yet!"

 

International breaks, day 2: The Sun make a stunning claim that John Terry had an affair with Fernando Torres’ wife and that was the reason of the Spaniard’s slow start at Chelsea.

 

http://www4.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Fernando+Torres+John+Terry+s7Beh04zU6vm.jpg

                                                  "Sorry, Nando, but your wife was a great s**g."


International breaks, day 3: Marca report that Real Madrid are going to sign M.Goetze just 2 days after claiming that Real Madrid have already signed a similar player, Neymar.

 

International breaks, day 4: Another Spanish newspaper, AS, claim that Barca are going to hijack the Neymar deal by kidnapping Neymar's son and then blackmailing Neymar to join Barca

 

                                                                                "He is my babyyy!!"

 

International breaks, day 5: BBC report that Tevez is happy at Manchester City and wants to stay there after his daughters have been signed for the female youth academy. BBC also claim that Tevez has promised that he will play whenever he is asked to.

 

International breaks, day 6: La Gazzetta dello Sport claim that madman Palermo president, Mauro Zamparini, is tired of changing coaches and is thinking of sacking current coach, Devis Mangia, and taking over the coaching duties himself.

 

  "Delio Rossi sucks, Serse Cosmi sucks and Mangia also sucks! I AM THE NEW COACH OF PALERMO!"

 

International breaks, day 7: El Mundo Deportivo reveal that Barca will sign Justin Bieber in the winter transfer window to boost their revenue by selling Bieber's shirts to fangirls and fanboys.

 

                                                                      "I am the next Lionel Messi!"

 

International breaks, day 8: Catalan based newspaper, Sport, reveal that the dressing room harmony at Real Madrid is broken because Iker Casillas and Cristiano Ronaldo had an argument, on whose girlfriend is hotter, which ended up in a huge fight involving many players.

 

International breaks, day 9: Reports in Russia claim that Anzhi are interested in signing Pele in January transfer window after Santos have confirmed that he is fit enough to play in the Club World Championship.

 

        "Anzhi? I don't know about them, all I know is that I was, is and will be best Footballer ever!"

 

International breaks, day 10: El Peridico de Catalunya claim that Sergio Aguero will sign for Barcelona in the summer window - taking revenge against Real Madrid for not signing him in the last summer window.

 

International breaks, day 11: Anzhi want to sign every top league Football player from Germany, Spain, England and Italy, reports a Russian newspaper.

 

International breaks, day 12: Marca reveal that Real Madrid are interested in signing Usain Bolt in the January window to add more pace in their counter-attacks.

 

International breaks, day 13: Roberto Mancini is interested in buying some clowns from a nearby circus to entertain his players and keep the dressing room environment positive, reports Tribal Football.

 

                                 "What?! Why would Roberto buy clowns when I am here? Lies, all lies."

 

 

International breaks, day 14: Shocking news by AS, claim that Getafe will sign 6000 female prostitutes & gift them to male Getafe fans just to increase the number of Getafe fans after their previous ad campaign wasn’t a huge success.

 

International breaks, day 15: The English journalists are out of ideas of what to report as it is the last day of international break. So they, for the amount 9457687th time, say Arsenal ‘are in a crisis’ as ‘X and Y’ player wants to leave the Club. 

 

                                           "Yeah, we are in a crisis - Wenger should be sacked."

 

Note: All the stories in this article are fictitious & are purely made for the intent of humour only and NOT to disrepute or hurt anyone.