Probably everyone's hopes for the forthcoming English season. If not, it should be.

Last season saw a number of interesting highlights; the top four- in many people's eyes- became the top six, a Welsh team was promoted to the top flight for the first time since the early 1980s and my team also won promotion into League One. All very positive moments, so surely it would be hard to top? Let me take you to the future in my football DeLorean. Picture this.



'Super Mario' Balotelli begins the season by attempting a spectacular Fifa Street-esque spinning backheel. It soars into the top corner to give City a last minute winner. Of course Balotelli celebrates in some sort of controversial way, perhaps stripping naked 'Tonker' style infront of Mancini whilst screaming Italian curse words live on Sky. While serving his twelve match ban the 20 year old striker fights crime on the streets of Manchester and plants illegal substances in Rio Ferdinand's brew. Meanwhile, chaos ensues at Craven Cottage as hordes of confused yet equally angry Fulham fans pull down the Michael Jackson statue; much like Saddam Hussain's. To add insult to injury, the statue's head falls directly onto a passing child's groin.

In League 2, Crawley Town are the big players on transfer deadline day (which Sky have made a public holiday). They stun the football world by pipping United to the signing of Wesley Sneijder in an exchance deal involving a huge box with a question mark painted on it. Inter Milan directors spend the remainder of the season shaking the oversized box until they realise they've been had. Staying in the basement division, Swindon Town boss, Paolo Di Canio beats a referee into pink mush because he didn't agree with the way he looked at him.

Fifa boss Sepp Blatter takes a break from being an inept currupt monstrosity, to announce his immediate retirement. Pergolini Collin takes over at the helm and cleans up football with his shiny egg head. As a result of this, Blatter chokes on a money pie on hearing the news Collina has removed the acceptance of bribes and bungs. In other news, Poor man's Ross Kemp, Lee Hughes is sent back to prison on the grounds that he is a terrible waste of human cells and at Leicester, Sven signs the 2002 England World Cup squad.

The second half of the season sees the FA begin an investigation after Emile Heskey scores a goal and it is discovered Andy Gray's bald patch is actually a solar panel for his sexism machine. The 'business end' then takes a sharp twist as the Premier League announce, the friday before the final weekend, whoever is relegated will be relegated from the sport itself and executed. Sky deny any involvement in this decision after it is reported Murdoch demanded a more literal meaning to 'Survival Sunday'.

Let me take you back to the football draught of Summer 2011. Boring isn't it?